Accountable Managers and Parents

It's one of those days. Joan confronts Frank for not doing what she asked.   Frank blames Sarah. When Joan confronts Sarah, she says it wasn't her responsibility; in fact, it was Brian's. Joan talks to Brian who insists it's always been Frank's job. Sound familiar? Joan could be a manager trying to get a budget completed or a mom trying to get her kids to clean up. In fact, many of our clients who manage tell us that managing often feels like parenting.

Accountability has the power to transform whether we're working for world peace, success at work, or harmony at home. In our upcoming book by Mark Samuel, Sophie Chiche and Jamie Woolf, we explore the common victim traps we fall into as parents and the joys and challenges of parenting with an Accountability mindset.

Managers, like parents, have plenty of reason to fall into the victim mode. We get swallowed up in the daily tasks and lose sight of the meaning behind our tasks. The responsibility of managing is daunting and, at times, feels undoable. We try to instill Accountability in our employees and family and yet we often observe attitudes of indifference and entitlement.

No matter how intentional you are about fostering an accountable work or family environment, you're likely to get excuses and hear blame, denial, and resistance on a regular basis. Whether you are at home or in the workplace, you're likely to hear, "I didn't make that mess," "No one ever told me to do that," "I don't have time." And you're likely to have those days when you hear yourself say, "Everyone here is driving me nuts!"

Imagine if we could wave a magic wand and make everyone around us accountable. No more excuses, no more blame game, homework struggles vanish, resistant employees, gone, poof! While the power of Accountability may seem magical, the reality of fostering it requires dedication and lots of hard work. We're likely to fall into many common traps along the way as we endeavor to instill Accountability at work and at home.

Delegation: Sharing the Accountability

A classic trap both managers and parents fall into is to do the work ourselves because it's faster and easier. This is a sure fire way to ensure we are accountable while others around us are not. The work gets done, but we end up feeling resentful, and the person doesn't gain any skills or inclination to do that job in the future. In fact, you've just trained them not to do the work; why should they bother when they know that you will pull up the slack?

Accountable Delegation : Encourage others to assume responsibility even if doing it yourself would be faster. As much as possible, delegate authority as well as responsibility. Clearly define what you are delegating and what you are not delegating; be very specific. As an example, saying "I need that report by the end of the week" is not accountable delegation. Instead, say "I would like to have the Jones report by noon on Friday, proofed and ready to go. I'm guessing it will be about 3 pages long. If you would like to send me a draft by noon on Thursday, I can look at it and give you some feedback by 3:00. This is a tight deadline and we really need to be on the ball."

Effective discipline: Fostering Accountability

We judge and blame our employees or kids and set up a classic power struggle in which they stay in denial and rationalize their behavior and we become more and more punitive.   Do we want to create mindless obedience in our work and home environments or foster true learning and a deep sense of Accountability?

We will never instill a truly accountable mindset by coaxing, convincing, and punishing. Using those strategies might get the work done, but it will also put into motion an on-going power struggle. We can't make our employees and kids accountable.   We can guide them to curb behaviors we don't like, but durable behavior change only comes when people are internally motivated to change and take ownership for change.

Accountable Discipline : Acknowledge problems with guidance and support. Avoid blame and judgment.   Ask Accountability-based questions that foster self-examination.   Ask "how did you create, promote or allow this problem to continue?"   Ask "what could you have done differently?"

Recognition: Encouraging Accountability

Because we want to be the good manager or the good parent, we give praise, and lots of it.   When we offer praise and recognition on a regular basis, for the small things as well as the large things, we build a more trusting and reciprocal environment. However, empty praise can lead right to entitlement.   Why?   When people get something for nothing, they come to expect something for nothing.   They become entitled.

Accountable Recognition: Give praise and recognition for specific behavior.   Make it clear what you are praising and explain the positive impact of the behavior.   Instead of saying, "great job at the meeting" say "your questions in the meeting allowed us all to gain clarity on our strategy."   Instead of saying "good drawing" say "I really like the blue you chose for the ocean. It has multiple colors in it and it shows perspective."

Walk the Talk: Inspiring Accountability

We tell our team to collaborate and then we make unilateral decisions.   We say we value family and then we deny a flexible work schedule.   The quickest way to undermine Accountability is to say one thing and do another.   Accountability means doing what we say we're going to do.   It takes discipline but no one said inspiring Accountability was easy.

Accountable Communication:   Do what you say you're going to do. Put action behind your values and principles everyday.

Accountability can't be forced.   You can't convince your staff or your kids to become accountable.   Even the most inspiring lecture and hard hitting advice about the virtues of Accountability won't create Accountability. Accountability can only be chosen, without another person assuming ownership for that choice.   The best way to foster Accountability is by truly making the choice to be accountable yourself, whether as a manager, an employee or a parent.   This takes hard work and a deliberate intention.     So what's your choice?   What kind of manager, employee or parent do you choose to be?   Hold on to your magic wand.   The magic is in your choice.

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