One of the major challenges in creating an accountable work environment is addressing people when they haven’t kept a commitment. We are often asked, “How do I hold someone accountable for breaking an agreement without creating a defensive or angry response?” The strategy of Shared Accountability is to acknowledge the breakdown without blaming the person, and then offer support. By acknowledging the breakdown and offering support you are being accountable to and still holding the other person accountable to their agreement.

While this strategy is effective, it can be challenging to implement it when we are angry, frustrated or afraid of the person’s reaction. The result: we don’t raise the issue and let it escalate inside of us until we react with anger, or we deliver our communication in a way that the person feels blamed or judged. Now we are back in the Victim Loop.

The purpose of holding others accountable is to correct and learn from mistakes, so that we can attain a higher level of Accountability and success. Mistakes can occur from many sources including misunderstanding, lack of clarity, lack of commitment, inability, or competing priorities, to name a few. However, if learning is to take place so that future mistakes can be avoided or minimized, it is critical to keep communication open in the process of holding others accountable.

Sharon Strand Ellison, author of Taking the War Out of Our Words: The Art of Powerful Non-Defensive Communication, has developed an effective framework for communication centered in Accountability, honesty and transparency. She has identified three (3) keys for holding others accountable in a way that promotes open discussion and resolution.

The Premise of Non-Defensive Communication

According to Ellison, we've been socialized to use the "rules of war" to communicate about everyday situations - especially difficult ones. Why "rules of war?" When we are in a conflict or a challenging conversation, we defend ourselves by surrendering, withdrawing and/or counterattacking – all attributes of warfare. While each defensive response may feel like an act of self-preservation, or even empowerment, these responses actually undermine our power and place us in the Victim Loop, resulting in misunderstanding and escalating negative reactions. There are three keys to breaking the “rules of war” which are necessary for holding others accountable in a supportive manner that promotes a higher level of Accountability.

We often disguise our hidden judgments and opinions in the form of a question. Or, we ask our questions with the goal (unconscious or conscious) of entrapping others. For instance the question, “Why didn't you get that report done on time?” can make the receiver feel like they’re on trial, creating a defensive response. Interrogation rarely encourages openness and honesty.

Genuine Curiosity is the core competence necessary for staying accountable when asking questions. After we calm ourselves down from the anger or frustration we may feel from someone breaking a commitment, it is important to maintain an attitude and mindset of curiosity. What caused the person to behave not according to plan? Assuming the person’s intention was to complete their assignment as asked, what went wrong? Was there an interruption? Did they get stuck on a problem they couldn’t answer? Were they embarrassed to ask for assistance? What kept them from letting you know that they would be late turning in the report? One way to tell if you are asking questions with genuine curiosity is that you will have a neutral tone of voice and body language.

With genuine curiosity, you can create a sense of safety for the other person and then ask further questions to gain understanding and move to coaching or problem resolution.

Key #2: Make Accountable Statements

We may state our point of view as if it were a fact when we want to convince others of our point of view. For example, if you say, in an agitated tone, "you are always late turning your reports in, and I'm getting fed up with this pattern," how do you imagine the person will respond? Most likely he or she will shut down and get very quiet, or move into defensive posturing. Instead of making fiery, declarative statements, break up your statement so the other person has a chance to truly reflect on what you are saying.

Using the technique of Non-Defensive Communication, you separate your statement into four accountable parts. The first three parts are delivered in a neutral tone; while the fourth part can be animated and express your honest feelings. For example:

1) I’d like to talk with you about the X project because the report you just completed is two days late.

2) I recall from our last conversation that you agreed to work very hard to meet your critical deadlines.

3) While you’ve agreed to work on this issue many times, I don't see improvement. So it seems that you haven’t made a full commitment to changing the pattern. When you miss your deadline it affects the team's performance, and I think it also creates bad feelings among your peers. I think it’s unfortunate because it prevents you from maximizing your impact with the tremendous skills you have.

4) When you continue to turn in assignments late, I get frustrated and angry because I'm relying on you to stick to your commitments so that our team can meet its goals. On top of that, I'm also experiencing a lot of pressure from the board. At the same time, I want to support you in making these changes because I believe you have much to offer.

Using this model, we're still not blaming and judging the person, we're simply reflecting the truth of the situation in parts one through three, and in part four, we can express our honest feelings about the situation.

Key #3: Accountable Predictions

Being able to create boundaries and predict clear consequences are the keys for setting accountable agreements and for holding others responsible when agreements are broken. Common mistakes we make in setting clear boundaries is not clarifying intentions up front and going overboard by making a gigantic consequence in which we are unlikely to follow through on.

In the heat of the moment we might say, “If you don't start getting your reports in on time, then you're going to be fired." We think that stating an outrageous boundary will get their attention, but instead it becomes an empty threat that demonstrates we won’t follow through. In this case, the late report writer holds his breath and waits for the fury of the extreme prediction to pass.

Using Powerful Non-Defensive Communication, consequences are predicted for specific choices. The predictions allow the other person to know how you will respond to each of the choices they might make.

The core competence in predicting a consequence is to make it small and execute follow-through with precision. For example:

"If you continue to turn your reports in late, I will stop giving you key assignments because I simply can't afford the delays in these projects. If you're willing to get support to work on this pattern ensuring that you can meet your deadlines, then I'll be happy to keep assigning you important projects because I really value your abilities."

Using this approach, you are not threatening the person. You are simply stating the consequences that will follow from the choice the person makes. Down the road, if the pattern continues, the manager would most likely need to make progressive predictions. He might start documenting poor performance, and if the lateness still continues, it could eventually lead to job termination. Expectations are clear and follow through is simple.

Using Powerful Non-Defensive Communication you can more effectively protect yourself without getting defensive. The result is that you have greater influence without being manipulative or controlling. With the guidance and participation of Sharon Ellison, IMPAQ is pleased to be offering this important skill in developing accountable communication. Powerful Non-Defensive Communication enhances each team member’s ability to be more accountable, and that ability translates into making your organization more accountable and more effective.

Please call us to learn more about how we are blending our Accountability models and concepts with Powerful Non-Defensive Communication.

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