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Because we are human beings, we are going to make mistakes.
It comes with the territory. Even if we do what we can to
prevent them from happening, as long as we are breathing and
growing, we are going to make mental, emotional and physical
errors. So, we might as well relax. The problem is not that
we make mistakes, but how we handle them when we make them.
The ideal response is to learn from it and discover the opportunity.
When we are accountable, mistakes can be our greatest teachers.
We’ve all heard the concept that failures lead to successes.
However, we don’t always experience failure this way.
Here are some experiences that might sound familiar to you:
“I messed up”: Accountability and perfection do
not go hand in hand.
Recently, I saw my daughter in a play. She did an excellent
job portraying a strong, leading character and earned a loud
applause from the audience. Afterwards, some of the other
parents asked me if my daughter was intending to act professionally.
Despite her great job, my daughter’s comment after the
play was, “I messed up one of my lines.” She was
disappointed.
The longer we hide when we have made a mistake, the more the
mistake grows into a crisis.
When I consulted for an IT department of a major international
financial institution, I witnessed more than $3 million dollars
spent on a project before upper management finally realized
that there was no way they could be successful implementing
the project. The project leader was afraid to say that the
project plan, while looking good on paper, wasn’t going
to work.
Blame begets blame and only keeps the mistake alive.
Some friends of mine had finally decided to take a long, awaited
vacation. When they got there, the husband blamed his wife
for not picking the right resort hotel for their vacation.
The wife in turn blamed her husband for not being more involved
in the planning of the vacation. They failed to have a good
time on their vacation and began to despise each other’s
company.
Punishment creates fear and fear creates restriction, lack
of innovation, and inaction.
I once played on a baseball team where the coach made us sit
on the bench anytime we overthrew the ball and failed to make
a play. That season we were so scared about making the error,
we threw with caution, wasted unnecessary time, played poor
defensively, and came in last place. We so feared the punishment
that we didn’t take the risks necessary to succeed.
Self-judgment and blaming ourselves causes us to feel demoralized
and can keep us from learning, growing and excelling.
Do you ever focus on what you could have done better rather
than enjoying what you did well? Even when I was successful
as a baseball pitcher winning the game, I would focus on the
one mistake I made. While I thought my strategy would lead
to improving my game, it actually impacted my performance,
my self-esteem and my enjoyment of the game.
None of the above seizes the opportunity to learn a new behavior.
None are using what happened for growth or upliftement. Mistakes
are useless if we don’t use them to grow and change our
perspective. Learning from our mistakes is the best way to
get out of the victim mode.
The following 6-step process provides direction to mastering
accountable responses to making mistakes:
Step 1: Take Ownership of Your Mistake
This is a very empowering step that gives you strength and
command over the situation. While this does mean taking the
risk of consequences from others, there is a freedom that
comes from taking ownership and puts you in the position of
moving on. By not taking ownership, you run the risk of reliving
your mistake over and over.
Step 2: Forgive Yourself and Others Involved
By taking ownership of our mistakes, we may feel bad, guilty
or sad that we let others or ourselves down. This is a natural
human response. But as human beings we are going to make mistakes
and so will others. Let’s give each other and ourselves
a break, knowing that we are doing the best we can in each
moment we are in --if for no other reason than to put us in
a position of neutrality so that we can take advantage of
the mistake.
Step 3: Look for the Opportunity
Picasso once said that his greatest works of art began with
a mistake. Is there a chance that your mistake, if looked
at with a new perspective, could even be a great advantage?
How many times have we seen great inventions like the post-it
note come from a flaw? Be open to discovering the possibilities
that your mistake will end up being a blessing in disguise.
Sometimes a mistake is made that prevents a disaster from
taking place.
Step 4: Learn from the Experience
Besides the mistake itself, is there something to learn from
the entire experience of making the mistake? This could be
in the planning, preparation, execution or follow-up aspects
of the task, communication or goal you were trying to accomplish.
If the learning from this experience keeps you from making
a bigger mistake in the future, wouldn’t that be a valuable
lesson?
Step 5: Take Action on Your Learning or Opportunity
Real learning doesn’t take place until you take action
on it. Otherwise, you are just gathering data or creating
theories that haven’t been proven. By taking action on
the learning or the surfaced opportunity, you are truly transforming
the mistake into a win – leading to greater self-confidence
and ability.
Step 6: Celebrate Your Win
When we transform mistakes into successes, there is a lot
to celebrate. Thank ourselves and those around us who contributed
to the win. Ignoring this step still can create a negative
focus on mistakes, causing us to move into old habits of hiding,
blame, punishment and self-judgment. Taking the time to thank
ourselves reframes mistakes into positive opportunities, leading
to greater success.
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